STAB

STAB, the Season Ticket-holder Advisory Board. I call it STAB because, well, I'd rather get a stab in the heart than actually listen to season ticket-holders. They take time, don't do anything productive, expect things, and, honestly, they only thing they're good for is spending their money at my arena the BankAtlantic Center.

Look, shut up, pay for your tickets, and spend your money. Don't eat before the games, eat in the arena. So what if we fleece you? It helps fund improvements like adding state of the art advertising. Buy things in the gift shops -- we have them everywhere for your convenience.

And, please, make sure you don't complain that we're selling tickets at Ticketmaster for 75 cents just to fill seats, even though you're paying $75 for the same seat. I mean you guys all bitched when we gave them away so now we're charging. See? I can be reasonable and listen. You asked me to charge for them instead of giving them away, and I am.

Upkeep? We're asking the city to pay for that. That's why God put taxpayers on this Earth: to fund privately held corporations owned by billionaires and millionaires. I hope to one of those one day.

Oh, yeah, STAB. I keep making like we have one. Seems people are catching on and talking to each other. I think they've figured out it doesn't exist because there's nobody actually on it. That really is beside the point. We make a statement and say the STAB thought it was a good idea and we're listening to the fans. I mean, seriously, like I said before: who wanted that stupid Den of Honor when you can have CompUSA advertising.