The Ice Dancers

I was watching our lovely Ice Dancers the other day. It was a rehearsal because I haven't been to a game since opening night. I mean it's hockey and the Panthers, so what do I care?

I was looking at them and thinking that they're pretty attractive and lots of people look at them. I mean what guy wouldn't? I was looking at their new uniforms -- and they're Panther colors this year because everyone complained they looked like hookers in the old leather ones. You can thank me later.

There's this vast expanse of blue with nothing on it. I saw a young lady waking through the concourse at a concert and she had a pair of designer jeans that said "juicy" on the back.

Now I can do math. 1+1 = MONEY!!!!

I was thinking of placing sponsored ads on the back of their pants. I can exploit their assets for a$$et$. I was thinking Charmin. They're famous for their saying "Don't Squeeze The Charmin" -- how great is that? Best. Idea. EVER. I was also thinking of something across the front.....

Do you think I should make one of the qualifications for being an ice dancer to have the name of a sponsor tattooed on your inner thigh where everyone can see it.

I'm sure that will distract everyone from the fact I hired a mascot that can't skate. I bet nobody even notices the new one can't skate.