The New Owners

Wow, this one really blindsided me. Fortunately, I've already brainwashed talked to the new owners and my job is secure. I've promised them loads of income. I am going to miss Cohen. He was such a pushover and I could do whatever I want. He believed everything I said. What a patsy. The new owners will require more work, but I assure you that I, FMY, am on the case.

The new Chairman Cliff Viner and CEO Stu Siegel will spend the pregame on the BankAtlantic Center’s main plaza level, ushering in an era of accessibility for fans, media, and partners that will also include regular town hall meetings, hosting fans and business prospects in the owner’s suite, e-mail messages, blogs, suite visits, and more. My job is to figure out how to monetize it. Or as my fans say, "whore it up" -- though I'm not sure why the ice dancers are involved.

I am worried fans will complain bitterly about the advertising, but I hope they don't. It only hurts the sponsors and we love our sponsors. Or at least their money.